Movement for Joy

In the past, my relationship with movement has been so complicated. I was not a big fan of exercise as a young child. Then, when an eating disorder began to develop and spiral during my teen years and then into my early twenties, I was unhealthily obsessed with exercise.

The amount of running I would do after school or work may not seem too far out there to avid runners, but I was not an avid runner. I only exercising for one purpose: to burn calories. I did wild things like pace around the office or my house to make sure I hit a certain number of steps in a day before I even got home to run. Not one aspect of it was healthy.

Looking back, I wasn’t exactly surrounded by examples of healthy exercise either. Most of the time when people I knew were exercising it was to lose weight. The amount of times I heard women in my life make negative comments about their bodies was almost daily between family, friends’ parents, church, and school. That is not even counting what I witnessed in various media. Looking back now, it is no surprise to me that it never occurred to me that exercise can be something you do because you love it and not to lose weight. While weight loss is often a side effect of regular movement, when it is the goal, it usually isn’t setting yourself up for long term success. Either the progress is slow and you give up or you reach your goal and gradually back off until it is no longer a habit.

Because I was not exercising in a healthy way, I was often injured from overexercise.

I have been in recovery from anorexia for 9 years now. There have been several times I started to get into a fitness routine and then got nervous I still wasn’t doing it right.

Then, in 2021, I finally got a diagnosis of an autoimmune disorder, rheumatoid arthritis. It was a huge setback for me for the longest time when it came to movement. I was in a lot of pain while we figured out medicine and treatment. I let it be a reason to hardly ever move at all.

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In March 2024, I decided I was ready to try again. My RA medicine is working well. Steroid shots in my hips helped a lot. I wanted to incorporate movement back into my life. The biggest promise I made to myself was that I would listen to my body, take breaks when needed, and do what gave me joy that day.

Six months later and my life has infinitely changed. I at least do yoga most days but some days I do have a full off day on those soccer game days when I am running around. Most days, I can’t imagine not getting up and at least doing yoga. I have been able to run again because I listen to my body and don’t overdo it. The joy that movement has brought me has been such a big part of my life the last 6 months and I have never felt as good as I feel right now. That feels like a blessing to be able to say that as a 34 year old mom with a disability.

When you look at fitness as movement for joy – movement for yourself – investing in yourself, it is much easier to see it as a long term habit at which you can be successful.